[BEGIN SCENE]

[Brian, Dave, Bruce, Marcus, and Paul follow councilman Chris Seder into the Moonwood Town Militia Headquarters. They head into a room in the basement. In the room, several volunteer town militia officers are standing around a map of the town laid out across a large table. A single ceiling light goves off a dull light, illuminating the gray concrete walls and the polished wooden floor. Upon the councilman’s entrance, the officers stand at attention and salute. Seder gestures for them to stand at ease as he and Brian stand in front of the table.]Seder: Alright, captain, brief our friends on the situation.

Captain: [to Seder] Councilman. [he leans over the map] For the past few days, citizens have been reporting sightings of a strange creature seen on [points at the map accordingly] this side of town.

Brian: Any description of it?

Captain: [appearing to be struggling with his memory] Different stories, somewhat vague details, but matching descriptions. It appears to be humanoid, with two arms and two legs, a torso, a head, feet and hands. Long, pointed ears on the head, long mouth jutting out from the face, and a long tail are also present. Entire body covered in fur. We’re not sure what to make of it.

Marcus: Sounds eerily familiar. [Everyone turns their attention to Marcus, who is standing in the back of the room with Dave, Bruce, and Paul.] Tell me, has anyone here personally seen this creature? [looks around; one guard raises his hand, and Marcus turns his attention to him] Ah, splendid. Tell me, did it look like this? [gestures to Dave; as Dave transforms into his werewolf form, startled guards aim their weapons at him; once his transformation is complete, the guard/witness looses his breath in fear]

Guard 1: [panicking and stuttering] Oh…oh my God! That’s it! That’s…that’s the monster! [he aims his weapon, but Paul is already within range to smack him across the face]

Paul: Keep it together, nimrod. We just got here.

Marcus: He is, however, both right and wrong. Wrong, this is not THE beast that you saw, but our friend here [who is now transforming back into his human form] is the same type of beast.

Seder: And what, praytell, may that be?

Marcus: [tilting his head down] A werewolf. [several people in the room gasp; others start murmuring]

Brian: [gestures to silence the crowd] Captain, how often have these sightings been made?Captain: [trying to regain his cool; clears his throat] Citizens have reported sightings as early as a week ago. Each morning since, at least one new witness has stepped forward.

Seder: When I first heard about it, I wasn’t sure what I would do. I was relieved when I heard that the notable Ark was passing through town. I figured that maybe you could help solve this mystery.

Bruce: [hands in pockets, going to lean against wall] Well, mystery solved. Who wants to go hunting?

Paul: Dude, we haven’t even seen it ourselves yet. How we can be sure it’s even real?

Marcus: [looking at Paul] Hm. [looks at Dave] Any input?

Dave: [looking up] I have a hunch. [looking at Brian] Remember those guys we met before we got sucked through that portal? The ones who were asking us where we were headed? [Brian nods; Dave exhales deeply] I think I know why they smelled odd.

Bruce: Wow, that really was a bad time to get a head cold.

Dave: [clenching his fists] Will you shut up about that already?

Marcus: [standing between them, gesturing with his hands to stay] Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! [sighs] The past is behind us, and now is definitely not the time to antagonize one another.

Brian: [walks over to Marcus, a puzzled look on his face] But why would they have needed to ask us for directions?

Paul: [shrugging] Maybe they were just as lost as we were.

Marcus: [pacing, wagging a finger in the air] I think there’s another motive behind it. [now with both hands behind his back] They weren’t seen by anyone in town until a week ago — when we were still on the road to town before the portal appeared. Remember, wolves are animals that hunt, and they hunt in whatever territory their pack controls. Now along comes the Ark, noted widely now for rooting out and destroying beasts such as werewolves, zombies, aliens, and so on. Wouldn’t you feel threatened? Wouldn’t you feel the need to get rid of anyone intruding on your territory?

Bruce: Cut to the chase, would you?Marcus: [turns, walks right over and leans on the wall next to Bruce] Since no one else knew we went through that portal, they must have thought we’ve been in town for the past week. They’ve been trying to get our attention, to either warn us to leave now or to draw us out and dispatch of us in a more…ferral way.

Seder: [bangs a fist on the table, his head lowered] I won’t stand for these…these beasts to threaten my town! [looks at Marcus] So you’re saying that they’ll be a problem until either they kill you or you leave?

Brian: [pulls his pistol out of his coat] A problem for us. [begins fiddling with his gun, checking the ammunition in the clip, testing the sights, etc.] But if we leave them alive, they’d pose a major threat to the town. People would start dying; families would be afraid to roam the streets. These werewolves would start a veritable reign of terror. [cocks his pistol] We have to kill them. [puts his pistol away]

Captain: I’ll send a squad to deal with them right away. [officers begin to file towards the door, but Marcus raises a hand to stop them]

Marcus: A wasted effort, I’m afraid. Werewolves can sprint at speeds of up to fifty miles per hour. They are quite agile, can climb rough vertical surfaces with ease, and hide very well. Their claws are sharp and hard enough to rip through metal, they can punch straight through six inches of steel, and they can lift at most a small car. They have extremely keen senses and can break any animal their size or smaller into two identical, bloody pieces. Usually smaller, because they tend to be around six feet in height when in wolf form. One alone could tear through the entire militia in this building with ease — with a little help from the sheer fear it would instill in the faint of heart.

Seder: [taking a few rushed steps towards Marcus] Alright, let me get this straight. Each one of these is basically a walking army, and the five of you are going to fight a whole pack of them?

Brian: [laying a hand on Seder’s shoulder] Councilman, haven’t you heard the stories about us? We have in this room a werewolf of our own [gesturing towards Dave], one of the last psychics [gesturing towards Marcus], an ice mage [gesturing towards Bruce], and two highly-trained swordsmen, one of whom manipulates electricity [gesturing towards Paul] and other of whom has an arsenal of magic swords at his disposal. [Brian demonstrates as he pulls Suntooth out of the Infinity Sheath on his back] We’re not just going to fight them. [flames appear along Suntooth] We’re going to kill every last one of them.

Marcus: The question now remains: When do we make our move?[One of the officers suddenly turns his attention to his earpiece. His eyes widen as he whispers something to the captain. Everyone’s attention is fixed on him.]

Captain: [in a low voice] Yes…yes, I see. [to Seder] Councilman, the patrolmen at the north gate have spotted something.

[Seder turns to Brian. Brian nods at Seder, who nods back. Brian then looks at Dave, Marcus, Bruce, and Paul in turn, each of whom nods back.]

Brian: [heading out the door] Let’s roll, team, we’ve got some hunting to do.

[END SCENE]

If there’s one thing I can say with all sincerity, it is that religion is completely superfluous. I’m completely serious: It is my honest opinion that society would be much better off if people stopped bullshitting themselves over the existence or nonexistence of any sort of divine element. You hear about religion all the time nowadays: people arguing over whether or not Obama is a Muslim or a Christian or an atheist or anything in between; Americans discriminating against any Muslims (or even people of Middle-Eastern descent, who they assume to be Muslim) because of the fear that they are radical-thinking terrorists; the latest news on some Catholic clergyman molesting a choir boy. The list goes on and on, but the major underlying point is that religion, faith, belief, and the fears and delusions that go with it all are worthless and unnecessary in today’s society.

First of all, the idea of an invisible sky-man who controls everything - or a whole pantheon of them - came from primitive humans, trying to find reasons for the mysteries of life and nature that were at the time not explainable. If a volcano erupted, god/the gods was/were displeased and demanded sacrifice. The sun and moon were being pushed around by beings in the sky, or WERE divine beings in the sky. Everything that these cavemen could not explain must have been because of strange magical beings. Fast-forward several thousand years, and we begin to see advances in science and technology. Volcanoes were the result of mass buildup of hot magma, gas, and ash escaping through a rupture in the earth’s surface. Night and day were caused by the earth’s rotation on its axis. All these things that were once mysterious and divine became rational and factual and understandable. And yet, for some reason, we still have these religious nutjobs running around claiming they saw an image of Jesus form in the clouds. Sure, buddy. Why don’t we sacrifice a few more virgins to the volcanoes while we’re at it?

Though there are many examples of where God turns out to not have any influence on this earth, some people continue to take religion literally and denounce science as evil. However, some of the smarter people - though not necessarily wiser - assert that while all this is true, God and the heavenly bodies cannot be interpreted by mortal means. They say the Bible is symbolic and cannot be taken literally. And for a while, I unfortunately recognized that bullshit and kept my mind open, not denying the existence of God while also not accepting it. However, one crucial fact has since come to my attention. Who’s feeding us these ideas - that God is beyond reality, that the Bible is symbolic? The answer: religious hierarchy. The entire non-literal interpretation is even more bullshit than the literal interpretation. Here we have ideas that the church has been feeding us in order to keep people believing; it only endeavors to prolong its existence. It’s a selfish lie by what may be considered a giant, worldwide cult that happens to be quite popular.

And if one wishes to continue to assert these ideas, then let’s consider something. Supposedly, God is perfect in every way, right? He made man in his own image and guided man in writing the Bible in the first place. So if he wanted us to understand him, why would he do it through weird symbolism? If he was writing a perfect Bible, why are there so many imperfections in it? It contradicts itself countless times, it has more death than any other book in history, and have you ever tried to sit down and read the whole thing? No, you haven’t, and do you know why? Well, first of all, it’s fucking boring. Second of all, you have better things to do with your life than care about your faith the whole time. You have a job to go to, a family to raise, taxes to pay, porn to jack off to - you know, the usual shit. Why waste your time reading or caring about a religious text? I think if God had wanted people to care, he would have made that holy book of his a lot simpler. Maybe he should have broken it down into volumes. And let’s not forget George Carlin’s compressed list of the 10 Commandments. Look it up, it makes sense.

And now we come back to where we started: why religion is useless. And when you look at it, people use religion as an excuse for a lot of things. Hell, more people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason, and with these radical Islamist terrorists running around the body count is only increasing. People say abortion violates the sanctity of life, an idea based on religion. Note: these are the same people (the ones who made up the sanctity of life) who made up the death penalty. People say homosexuals violate the sanctity of marriage. Yeah, two men in a committed relationship for 40 years is a lot worse than two people hooking up drunk in a bar and get married the next week and end up hating each other and themselves and their fat kids for the rest of their lives. Religion, overall, is bullshit. It’s useless bullshit that should not play a part in our lives and in society, and yet these mindless followers of Jesus or Yahweh or Allah or whoever continue to spread their bullshit. I say pick up a shovel, toss the shit into the ocean, get rid of religion and get on with your lives.

So the other day, I was at my school, helping to clean up after an event the previous night as part of the school’s work study program to pay for my tuition. I wasn’t the only one working, of course — there were other students, in addition to some volunteer parents, teachers, custodians. Even the school’s headmaster showed up to put us to work. I assume that most of the students helping out were also part of the work study program, with maybe one or two other volunteers.

There was mention by one of the adults working that one of the students there was serving time for detentions. Based on that statement alone and the behavior of the other students, I — and one of my friends working — almost immediately guessed who it was. The student was the shortest one there, with a hoodie, a gangstah hat, a bit of flow in his hair, a higher-pitched voice, braces, a waddle in his step, and a smug grin to help one indicate that he was a) a freshman and b) what I have come to deem a “swaggerer” — the kind of high school student who acts laid back, thinks he’s really cool, walks with what he thinks is swagger (yet is really more of a waddle), and is to certain individuals (such as myself) entirely annoying in everything he does.

During the three hours and twelve minutes I was working, this unnamed student continued to irritate me. First, an observation: people are quite often influenced by others to not to their best, as sort of a way to fit in with their peers. Taking this in mind, I noticed that the students stacking chairs weren’t being very attentive to detail; they were just piling them up, not really caring whether they fit well enough together or not. My previously mentioned friend and I had already had to undo a stack of chairs to prevent it from falling due to its poor position. We attempted to fix their stacks in real time, readjusting any chairs they carelessly piled on. The unnamed student proceeded to be amused by this, and began to stack them even more carelessly, assuming that we would do all the work of fixing them. The other students followed suit, even joining in with his persistent giggling. About halfway through the pile, my friend and I just gave up altogether and watched their poor effort, knowing full well that this pile would most likely topple later on its journey to the truck we would be loading it into. (Fortunately enough, it survived the journey. Must have been the plastic wrap we were putting on all the stacks) Perhaps the most enraging aspect of this scenario is that the unnamed student and his colleagues were treating our good, hard, honest work as a joke, entertainment to laugh at.

These little annoyances continued, of course; mocking the statements and commands that one particular adult was issuing (he interpreted it as a “positive attitude,” showing how a little insight can be beneficial), riding on those frames with wheels as if they were skateboards (dangerous, though I wouldn’t have grieved much if he hurt himself), lazing around, et cetera. I’ve encountered other students similar to this one (and worse, unfortunately for me, and I love to spite them every day), and the question presents itself: What is causing this generation to develop this mindset? Is it laid-back parenting, resulting in a laid-back child? Is it exposure to a culture that morphs adolescents into this? Could it be a mob mentality, a hive mind, a method of sheep flocking together (as an analogy)? I don’t have the answers to these questions. I assume that someone, somewhere, does, but I don’t. All I have observed is that this attitude is spreading, and I don’t like it. Not one bit.

It’s odd, however. To an extent, I slightly envy these people. They’re calm, chill, not worried about what will happen the next day or the day after. Me? I’m in a constant loop of worrying about my future, feeling guilty, despairing, and so on. Lather, rinse, repeat. However, it makes me grateful for my own upbringing as well. I was brought up and taught to question everything, not to merely accept any knowledge at face value. I seek wisdom over ignorance almost unhealthily. I often tell myself that I think too much, but at other times I feel that I’m thinking too little.

By Odin’s beard, I need to relax.

Vigilate et discere,

-Just an observer

Now, there is one major obstacle when trying to determine what my favorite food might be: there are so many different foods that exist and so many that I’ve had throughout the course of my life that I can’t even remember what some foods taste like. There are some foods that I have almost regularly that I remember the taste, and some really good foods that I’ve only had once and don’t even remember.

That’s not to say that there aren’t any definite candidates. Last year on St. Patty’s Day, my family had corn beef hash, which my dad referred to as “the most Irish dish you could ever possibly have.” And oh sweet Jesus monkey balls it was good. It was like some scooped up happiness in the form of meat and fat and grease and put it on a plate. Funny, we didn’t really do anything special for SPD this year…oh, well.

But back to the matter of food. As I (OH GODDAMMIT I GOT A SPLINTER IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING THIS) am, in fact, a guy, I do enjoy myself a tasty burger. And I have found no burger tastier than a bacon-cheeseburger. First of all, it’s a burger, the pinnacle of being an American dude. Second of all, bacon. Yes, just bacon. Bacon is a reason in and of itself. Anyone who has had bacon and is not a vegetarian will most likely agree.

In retrospect, I’m noticing a trend: meat. All sorts of meats are coming to mind: pork chops, ham, chicken, steak, beef…okay my mouth is watering now from the yummy yummy thoughts.

The best I can narrow it down to is meat, it would seem. However, in the fashion of being silly, I’m going to narrow it down even further to lard (pig fat). Now excuse me while I go get fat. Oh wait, my metabolism won’t let me do that. (Hey, that sort of rhymed)

-Just an observer 

Great question, artificial intelligence obviously prompting me to get this page up and started! Well, where I visit would have to be a few things. First of all, I would have to be allowed to do what I want, when I want, how I want — total freedom. I’m not a big fan of tropic climates; I prefer to spend my time a bit closer to the poles, somewhere cold and rainy. I’m not a big fan of going in the water, though I do find bodies of water in nature to be very appealing in terms of aesthetics. Also, if I can put up with as few people as possible, that’d be great — peace and quiet are all I need to keep me company.

…This sounds very much like Henry David Thoreau’s cabin next to Walden Pond. In retrospect, that would be a very nice place to live, let alone just visit. Having my own cabin in the woods would be pretty sweet, not gonna lie. HOWEVER, there would be no internet…unless I hooked up some sort of WiFi myself. Which I don’t feel particularly skilled at.

Staying at home on my computer it is, then.

-Just an observer

This can be interpreted so many ways…